Gilden-Dramen – sowas denkt man sich nicht einfach aus

Noch immer hängt mein spielerisches MMO-Herz irgendwie an EverQuest. Nicht das ich je wieder dort eine Spiel-Minute verbringen würde, aber ich lese weiterhin die Webseiten diverser Endgame-Gilden. Während das aktuelle Death’n’Taxes-Drama mehr wie ein Kindergarten wirkt – wenn auch lächerlich unterhaltsam – dann sind spielerische Streitigkeiten, doch irgendwie immer besser.

Ich präsentiere, den vielleicht besten /rant eines MMO-Spielers, den ich in den letzten 4 Jahren so lesen durfte. Man merkt sofort, welches Spiel dieses Ganze Zeug so populär gemacht. Kurz Vorgeschicht: diese Gilde ist mittlerweile #1, hat sich wohl auf dem Weg an die Spitze auffällig gut geschlagen und so den Neid der füheren #1-Gilden auf sich gezogen, was wohl in Anprangerungen im offiziellen Forum gipfelte, ganz im Sinne von „Die haben geschummelt!“ Auch hier noch eine kleine Rand-Info, wenige Gilden in EQ haben seit Jahren direkte Verbindungen zu den Entwicklern, so dass man immer wieder gern die Trumpfkarte „Batphone“, die nichts anderes umschreibt, als direkt einen der Entwickler zu informieren und wohlmöglich Hilfe zu erhalten. Der Text hat alles: grundlose Beschimpfungen, nackte Fakten, Stellen die von jahrelangem Zwist zwischen Gilden zeugen, einen elitären Ton, kurzum perfekt und sehr lesenswert.

So all of this slandering and shit talking…it really makes us sad. It made us sad, fellas. Because for years now, we’ve been beating everything for you other guilds. And the only time you come out to mention our name is to shit on us.

We’ve been the premiere raiding guild on EQ for a while now. Our real first breach to the undisputed rank of #1 came in TSS. When we demolished both Frostcrypt and Ashengate before anyone else. The douchebags over at Township Rebellion couldn’t handle that we just served their asses to them and went on their „BEST OVERALL“ bullshit. Trying to discredit our accomplishment. Instead, they should have been sending our entire roster Thank You cards for making Frostcrypt beatable for them before they got there. Which guild was it that killed Harfange the Black with 50 unpreventable god damn adds? That was Triality. What did TR do? They got to Grenwald, found out he was a monster badass and got on the Bat Phone to get his legs broken and stuffed in a wheelchair…after we had been beating him regularly while he was on the juice (three times). Pansies.

So now it’s Solteris time. We have to man up to show that taking the gold home in TSS wasn’t a fluke. So we did. But on the way there, we were the ones making adjustments to deal with the surprising difficulty of the events or the random bugs sinking days, sometimes weeks, off our progression rate. We were killing the original Aprosis. Without gimping it by despawning the adds and kiting him around until the raid was ready like some people did…..When we beat Event 3 the first time, we got spammed with an erroneous emote and we didn’t get a lockout. Or the second time we beat Event 3 and we got raped by an army of golems upon completing the event and a chest didn’t spawn. Who cleaned up that mess for you ungrateful dickheads? Triality did. How about at event 5 when we beat the script and it respawned as if nothing happened and we got no chest. Who mopped up that shitstain before you second rate shitbags rolled up in there? Triality did. Then we beat our heads against Event 6 a total of 54 times. Which always seemed pretty ridiculous. But we did that when there was no limit on how many goos could spawn (3 every 30 sec). So by the end of the fight, we had more goo on the floor than a massage parlor in Chinatown. When you other whining retards got to that event, the goos got a cap on how many can spawn. Not to mention, although I’m about to, remember when Solteris was crashing like a DC-10? Well, during SoF beta, we spent an entire night clearing all of Solteris (on the beta server) to assist in debugging the crashing issues. Keep in mind, we were donating our time to help fix a zone we would never step foot in again, just for you ingrates. And after doing all that we did for you other guilds, still no Thank You card. No fruit basket. Not even a box of chocolates. Shame on you.

Now most recently was the Mansion. For example, Tinkerson and his bug for spawning. Instead of whining about it endlessly on EQLive, we figured out what was causing it and worked around it. Therefore, we progress faster than you. When the ONE time problems with the elevator fucked us, we figured out how to avoid that and progressed. You did not. You bitched, and whined and cried and after all that: elevator music. How about when Prototype got changed and all you drippy vaginas were making threads for eyes of anyone that would listen? Ya, we were beating that too…progressing. See the trend here? Now that you’ve gotten in there and sampled the fruits of our labors, you’re getting all sorts of events changed and manipulated to fit your family guild style of raiding. It took us 17 days to clear all of the Mansion and get our first flags. How long did it take you? That question is actually invalid. See, Meldrath also had another bug. The one where you’d wipe to him and he’d regen slower than shit. And I know, for an absolute fact, some of you guilds cherry picked him like that to get your flags…

See, what I’m getting at is this: You apparently can’t comprehend how we’re progressing through this expansion at breakneck speeds. You thought you found it with these bullshit accusations. You can’t comprehend the reality because you don’t have the same talent and mindset we do. We raid more than a pathetic four days a week (Dark Horizon). We make adjustments before we wipe 100 times to a fucking event (Raging Fury). We arrange ourselves and prepare ourselves for optimal raiding. We don’t just throw together some makeshift groups and launch ourselves at a fight (also, Raging Fury). I think our track record clearly indicates we require no exploits or cheats to stay ahead of the game and fell any foe that stands in our way to victory. We adapt. We don’t wipe to events 100 times. Shit, I haven’t done anything 100 times in my life except maybe masturbate. I mean, beating our heads against an event can happen to anyone but at like attempt #30, mayyyybe you want to switch some things up. That’s some priceless Triality spoilers right there. Use with discretion.

I heard some of you sluts calling for rollbacks on us for this alleged cheating we’ve done. That unnecessary suggestion makes me laugh. Not because of how ridiculous it was, but I can guarantee you, with absolute confidence we’d still beat you to the end of this expansion. Even if we had to reflag all over again. Still, we’d crush you. 4 groups of our players would out heal, out tank, out dps and out raid your entire trashbag guild anytime.

So when you’re looking for answers on how we can be doing so well; look to yourselves. It’s all relative. We’re only as good as what we can grade ourselves against. As far as I’m concerned Triality is #1 and the rest of you assholes are all tied for last.

DnT’s Drama dagegen dreht sich nur um Persönliches, gipfelte schließlich in explizitem Bildmaterial der Mitglieder, deren genaue Details ich nicht wirklich vertiefen möchte. Eine Internet-Legende ist die Sache aber jetzt schon. So schnell wird man solche Bilder einer populären Gilde kaum wieder sehen. Der Forumsbeitrag ist auch schon wieder gelöscht wurden, kursiert aber noch auf diversen Cache-Seiten und hat im FoH-Board auch schon seinen eigenen Fanclub. Good times.